Having Second Thoughts About My First Choice

So I turned in the school district's application form the other day. I made the deadline with two hours to spare.

I was happy to hear that I wasn't the very last parent to make up her mind. No, there was a pack of us making the decision at the last minute this year. I don't know what excuses the others had, but mine was that I couldn't find a clear first choice.

I listed five public schools that I would be happy to send Alex to. I was supposed to list seven, but I could only come up with five. All five are great schools, though. 

I put His Sister's Old School as our first choice because it's close to our house and his sister received a fine, if overly rigorous, education there.

I put The Hidden Gem in second place. I did this because, while it's a smaller school (a good thing), it's farther from our house (not a good thing). Proximity is always important, but especially so when kids are starting to venture from school to home on their own. I'd like Alex's first forays into solo city navigation to be simple and safe.

But, now...now I think I should have put that darn Hidden Gem in first place! For heaven's sake, Alex and I can deal with a longer commute if it means he'll have a school that better suits his learning style! And Alex learns much better in smaller groups, which The Hidden Gem offers. Dang! What was I thinking?

These second thoughts really intensified when a friend called me after reading my blog. "You raved about The Hidden Gem and then you didn't put it down as your first choice. What's that all about?" she asked silkily. And I didn't have a ready answer.

I comfort myself with the notion that if I'd left it up to Alex, he would have picked His Sister's Old School. But then I torture myself with the notion that he's a kid, his reasons are purely juvenile, I shouldn't leave it up to him anyway. He only wants to go to His Sister's Old School because that's where he thinks his friends are going to go.

Although his social life should not trump his academic needs, his social life is important to his overall success. (This reminds me of the day that we toured His Sister's Old School and one of the touring moms conducted an impromptu interview of the kids waiting for the morning bell. She asked them, "Why did you choose this school?" They answered, "Because our friends were going to go here!" This mom, a middle-school counselor, later told me, "Educators and parents often forget just how important it is that kids are happy socially.")

On one school tour this year I met a wise "parent ambassador" named Sue, who shared with me a lesson she had learned the year before. Sue told me that her daughter had come to her in sixth grade and asked to be transferred out of her school (which, ironically, is the school I've chosen for Alex, His Sister's Old School). Sue said she was surprised at how calm her daughter was about everything. Her daughter "just knew" she would do better in her new school and calmly awaited her reassignment in seventh grade. The moral: if the first choice doesn't turn out to be the best choice, kids can handle switching schools just fine. I've been thinking about this little tale a lot lately.

Comments

[Pink Sun Drops]

Choosing that school you're not only considering his social life, but HIS choice. Choosing the other school over his thoughts may send the message that he doesn't have much choice in his education. You're right that if it doesn't work out he can easily go elsewhere.

I'm considering the same thing with my kiddo - measuring his desires for the social ease against my desires for him to learn to his best potential. I'm leaning towards going with what I just wrote to you but it's HARD!!

[Terri]

All works well until you don't get any of your choices. This happened to us this year. My daughter is going into 6th grade. We made our three choices. All of these schools are wonderful schools within a few miles from home. The school that was our first choice is the school she would have gone to if there was still zoning.

Imagine our surprise when we got a letter stating that they could not place her in any of our choices. Now, she's got to go to a school that is 18 miles away, without any of her friends. Believe me, we are fighting it, we, along with the parents of the other 19 students from that school have been calling, emailing, and meeting with our city mayor and the superintendent of schools to try and resolve this.

It's been an extremely trying few weeks. My daughter has gone from a happy A/B student, to a depressed C/D student.

I can tell you I would have been happy with any of my choices, as would my daughter.

[Diane T]

I have had second thoughts about our first choice for 2 years. My son is only in 2nd grade, but it is a very small school (one campus for K-12). Although we pay over $500.00/month in tuition (it's a faith-based school) we are concerned that he isn't getting a top-notch education for the money (he is hard-working and is a straight A student). There has also been a turnover with teachers (we believe it has to do with salary, or lack thereof). Now is the time for us to decide once and for all since my daughter is entering Kindergarten next year. (side note: My son's school has had a substitute teacher for their Kindergarten class the ENTIRE '06-'07 school year!) We chose this school because it's a Christian school, it's a beautiful 4 year old school (new) and it was less than a mile from our home. Our public school choice has low test scores and is carrying a heavy burden with many Spanish speaking students, so it wasn't a consideration. I never thought I'd consider a public school in our area...but I'm looking at a Charter school (a combination of private and public).

I'm disappointed in the article I just read. I was hoping for insight on how to make a good choice, but the "go where friends are", or leave it up to your child to request a transfer, didn't really help. If anyone has gone through what we're going through, I'd greatly appreciate your insight.

[Myra, Brooklyn]

My word...I am a parent that has moved her daughter from public to a private school that was just as unorganized, loud, and darn right wrong as the public she attended! I gathered it really dosen't matter what the outside(building) look likes...it's what's inside. Ugh...
Now here I am, again at this intersection of my life seeking to find a school that is equipped to educate my artsy daughter where she can spread her creative rainbow wings and a be in a small class room were she is less distracted. I am just getting my list together and I feel just awful for that. Who knew parenting took the patience of Job and faith of David.
Reading over the comments gave me some insight.
Thanks alot and cross your pencils for me!

Thanx,
Grateful Parent

[Military Moves us]

Our children-now 5th and 3rd grade have attended 3 Elementary schools thus far with another this Feb '08. I look at school state test scores,demographics in the area, school activities both during and after school(Odessey of the Mind, chess club, etc),the PTA and parent volunteer involvement(I heavily volunteer), and we try to visit the school before making our(my husband and I's) decision. We do ask our kids' opinions how they felt after checking out the school(s). We make our best educated decision and so far 1 school has been far ahead of those state test scores and academics were comparable to private. Just off the charts terrific! The military moved us after 2 years there so, it was/is a learning block for me to compare other schools to. I know what to look for. No school is perfect and all have issues(theirs now has many kids in ISS-in school suspension-scary!) You have to pick and choose your battles and deal with them. Academically our guys are doing great. Thanks, an attentive mom